17. True love and how to create it in our lives 

Whenever life becomes challenging, which happens more often than not in this world, we can always count on the power of our hearts to connect to a higher wisdom. Going through tough times alone is never how it was meant to be. We should learn how to bond and create deeper meanings during the hardships, or else, our hearts become small and sad. In isolation, we do not thrive, we take longer to overcome our sorrows. However, looking for comfort in someone else brings the danger of codependency, and some of us are so intertwined with the wrong people, that looking outside for a relationship seems terrifying. Your history tells you that people are dangerous, unreliable and ungrateful. That was the old paradigm, when you had only heartaches and very little reward while interacting in love, friendships and family matters.

Everyone is changing a bit now, the energy is allowing so many of us to leave patterns of behavior that were unhealthy. All we need to do is believe that persisting in the old vibration is a choice now, because there are other ways in which things can unfold now. It might take a while for us to believe, because we do have to see to believe, how the energy itself can free the minds of unsuspected people we know. Not all of those who are changing their behavior because of the change in the collective energy, are considered lightworkers. Yet, some people are so sensitive, even if they don’t realize what is going on, they feel it. So a person you know, who is oblivious to this reality, might be shifting in front of your eyes right now, all you need to do is pay attention.

When looking for support, when trying to find a shoulder, pay attention now on how others around you are reacting to your plea, you might be surprised. The first reaction will be to tell you how to fix things, that is a program that has been out there for so long. But try to teach people how to just listen, tell them they don’t need to save you, or fix anything, explain how you only need to be heard. Instead of quitting asking for help, because people don’t know how to do it, teach them how to help you. What do you need exactly? A shoulder, a specific favor, that they intervene somehow in a situation. Be specific, try that. And then learn from it, so when people ask you for support, you don’t jump into conclusions of what people need from you. That is what wise ones do, they never guess, they listen and ask and then they act if necessary. 

We are so used to the affairs of love and friendship happening in a predefined manner that we forget how love is an action that requires improvement and can be learned. Some people from your past loved you in the wrong way, you have loved others in the wrong way. Wrong because it was conditioned, because it had expectations that were unfulfilled in a way that was necessarily toxic. You have been unhealthy since you were born, until this day, necessarily, because the world demanded that you acted in defensive, unrealistic ways. If you are in a school that teaches you things in a wrongful way, how else can you behave? There was no other way but to jump in the reality you had and do the best you could, and oh, have you tried your best.

So you swam against the current so far, exhausted in all of your attempts to feel loved and to love in a way that felt right. Loving another has been a fight, and we got used to love being a struggle, accustomed to love being hard work, and that is where the mistake is settled and that is why love has to change. The idea of love as a fight, as a struggle, and a gymnastics, is not accurate, love is soft and pure, it doesn't require effort. Growing pains are a natural part of life, but love should be set apart from the growth that hurts, in a different set of feelings. Love is not anymore to be confused with pain, this idea that true love hurts is ancient and untrue, love does not hurt, because it is pure. If love is hurting, then it is not right.

What hurts is loneliness, anger, disappointment, frustrated expectations, all sorts of emotions that can come along when you love or want to be loved, but those are other things, they are not love. “Love is blind”, is another expression that is a mistake, love sees everything without judgment, love is what gives us the courage to see reality. If a person needs illusions to love another, then that is absolutely not love at all. It is a need to fulfill a hole that is deposited on another. So no matter how hard you try, if you have the wrong paradigm, love will never become peaceful and fulfilling as it should. With the wrong equation, no mathematician can go through a proper discovery. And you try and try again, push with all your forceful discipline, you do your best, but the formula is not doing you any favors. And that is how we have been trying to love so far, and that is why many of us have come close to giving up in some areas of life. 

Especially self love, where the wrongful concepts have been more spread than in any other area. Because love between two people is going to scream where things are not right, but love within the self, is going to mislead in a silent way. In the end, most people learn to obliterate their self esteem by trying these ideas of self love spread all around. Discipline is a waste of time if you are pushing in the wrong direction, so we end up empty, unloved, mistaken, wronged, and giving up. But we never give up, since the day anyone is born, the need to love is there. 

No matter how much we are wronged or how many mistakes we make, we can’t avoid the need to love and be loved, even those who seem completely cold, they want to secretly be loved. They hope, same as you do, even behind a mask of coldness and un-impressionable facade. All who are alive wish to be accepted, seen, cherished and recognized as important to someone. We only exist when we love, besides that, there is emptiness and the eternal seeking for something that is never found. The wrongful teachings and conditionings about love were seeded such a long time ago, set to spread separation and in the empty state that was the goal, leave humans wanting for more. 

“If I had more of this, I would feel happy”, that is the conditioning. If we were all in the energy of true love, we would stay oblivious to certain stimuli that most people give in to, if they have the opportunity. Addictions would diminish considerably, diseases, multiple forms of misery would cease to exist or become less and less prevalent. Let's say that love is not profitable, love doesn’t make anyone illicitly rich, but love promotes another type of abundance, a true satisfying, generous abundance, because it is limitless. Endless abundance for all beings is the natural state of life where love’s codes are given to all. 

For now, only a few will be able to start the process of learning where love has gone wrong in this reality, in order to go after how love really needs to be laid out in order to work. 

Number one: love is in every cell of the atmosphere, in every cell in your body, so loving is remembering, not actually something you need to learn.

Number two: love is not something to be achieved, it is the absence of love that needs to be overcome, because lacking in love is unnatural. The natural state of being is love, look at the planet, how She creates love out of nothing.

Number three: the need to possess someone comes purely from fear, it is love in a percentage if you want someone to be close to you, you desire their presence, naturally. But requiring that they stay even if they don’t want to, perverts and pollutes, then at some point, it becomes unfulfilling. If someone stays with you out of obligation or pity or fear, this love is compromised and will not bring you the expected peace and resolution. You will resent the person and find less and less fulfillment in their presence. 

Number four: a lot of relationships are corrupted by envy and competition, that is also not the right type of love. Once admiring becomes competing, no one can win. If someone is competing with you and calling it love, they are stuck in old paradigms. 

Lastly, number five: true love doesn’t count the days it has to be lived, there is no agreement that guarantees how long, how far, how many days it will last. Any type of true love is eternal, it might change how it operates, friends can be closer, more distant, family members might die or move out, it never changes how much someone loves another person, not even death changes how love is eternal. And in romantic relationships, love does not die after divorce, death, changes in marital status do not change how love is eternal, or else, there is a change in concepts that need to happen. 

You might not be “in love” anymore, but you should live in an eternal state of respect and wishing well regarding all of those that have been part of your romantic journey. Hating on an ex means you need to update your concepts on what love really is. Even if you need to set boundaries so this person will not hurt you, you should wish them happiness and in some cases mental health. You pray for your ex to be well and stay safe while doing that, but wishing anyone who once you claimed to love, bad things, is in the old paradigm. 

Slowly we will update our notions of what love is and then, with the right ideas, getting it right will be easy and pure. No more pushing hard, no more gymnastics, love is supposed to be easy. When it doesn’t feel right, it means there is something wrong in the equation, the formula being right or wrong changes the results, not the force with which you persist. Love is not meant to require effort, it is not meant to make you exhausted. Love is right when it feels light, refreshing, and compassion comes easily. 

Love is like smelling a flower, the smell is there already, all you need to do is inhale. We have learned to squeeze the flower, to pluck it, all kinds of absurdities that will actually kill it. No dear friends, if smelling the flower is not enough to feel its perfume, then stop and go back to basics. Because real love shall be recognized by its flow, love happens in a flow state. To love is simply to acknowledge something that was already there, nothing much to do, to create, to build, it is a forever flow in the eternity of our nature.